Since the 90's we got started to get fierce notions altogether. We started aetin' things like spaghetti bolognese and lasagne weren't happy going to Trabolgan or Mosney anymore for holidays. We had to got out foreign.
We're not very good at going abroad though, Irish people. As soon as we land and the plane door opens, we say "jaysus isn't it fierce hot". Then we expect everyone to speak the Queen's English and direct us to the nearest Irish bar, where we park ourselves for two weeks singing karaoke songs absolutely steamin and dancing to feckin' rave music. In the mornings we fall asleep on the beach and get scalded to the arse and then limp around the promenade looking for somewhere that serves the full-Irish breakfast. We'll go door to door looking for the fry-up. Nothing else will do. Can't be aetin' that foreign shite. Abroad in Spain!
Then with no breakfast in sight, the only thing for it is to shuffle home for the tae.
But the smart ones know you can't get the tae beyond in Spain. You have to bring your own. So the smart idea is to bring a gift for yourself, which seasoned Irish travellers do. They copy what Mammy used to do when she got the boat over to Birmingham to visit her sister Nora, with a suitcase full of sausages and black puddin.
A two-week holiday in Santa Ponsa and they think they're the lost generation.
They bring a few packages of tayto so they do and they bring a box of tea bags to keep them goin while they're homesick, coz they do get fierce nostalgic for the auld sod while they're abroad in Spain drinking in the Irish bars asking questions like "what time is it at home now?" and "I hope it's raining at home!" and "did you cancel the milkman?" and "we're missing Mass" and "I better ring Mammy and make sure everything is okay".
Holiday routine:
Irish pub <> Ring Mammy <> Drink Tae <> Irish Pub <> Ring Mammy <> Drink Tae
On the return journey the tea bags and Tayto crisps are replaced by another gift to himself. 200 fags and a bottle of cheap vodka. The vodka would tear the guts out aya but could run the lawn mower for a few weeks.
Get the look yoursel' when you're heading abroad. The out foreign shirt is the must-have fashion item of the summer. And the winter if you have notions and go to Spain during the winter.